The waiting is the HARDEST part, and here’s the reason why.

In 1985 the group Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers made a song called The Waiting. And in the bridge of the song they sing “the waiting is the hardest part”.  Truer words have NEVER been spoken.  Have you ever waited patiently or impatiently for something? Of course you have, we all have.  We’re still waiting.  It’s a diabolical holding pattern that I am currently in and it’s making my life miserable, or rather I’m making my life miserable by concentrating so much on waiting on this thing.

When you pray for something, our microwave mentality thinks that it’s suppose to come right away.  With the snap of our fingers and a click of our heels that job, that money, that spouse, that car, that house, that WHATEVER you’re waiting for is suppose to show up immediately.  Who wants to wait?!  But alas that’s what we end up doing. You pray and put it out in the universe and then you wait.  My absolute favorite quote in the whole wide world is by Ralph Waldo Emerson that states “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”  So you’ve made a decision about something, you pray for this thing, the universe hears it and now it goes to work. That’s why the waiting is the hardest part because the universe is preparing the path. No one said the answer was coming in the next second. Now the universe is preparing you and the thing to come together. This may take hours, days or even years. Talk about a suckburger.

I’ve personally been praying for something for eight years….EIGHT FRICKING YEARS!!!!! (trying really hard not to curse). I’ve cried, cursed, yelled, screamed and have worried myself to exhaustion because I’m thinking now the universe won’t answer this prayer. And you know what REALLY sucks (ass)pirin? (told you I’m trying not to curse) Seeing people all around me getting with what seems great ease the very thing I have been on my face pleading for.  I know life isn’t fair, but daggone it life just isn’t fair! There’s a saying that a delay isn’t a denial, but if we are real with our impatient, often bratty, imperfect selves we know that a delay feels like a denial. Who wants to hear that it may take 15 years for your husband or wife to show up after you’ve prayed for marriage? Who wants to hear that five more people will get promoted ahead of you before your promotion comes?  Who wants to  hear that your manuscript will get rejected 167 times before it’s published?  NO ONE!!  But it’s part of the process of the universe preparing you. It SUCKS, but if God has put it in your spirit you have to trust with every fiber of your being that it will come to pass.  You have to keep calling that thing into your space even when it seems like it’s not going to show up. At times you’ll pray through clenched teeth and crocodile tears but you have to keep calling it. You have to get on your face and pray God’s word over it. And after you do that you have to go on with your life. It’s going to be hard but you have to do it for your sanity’s sake!  You can’t keep checking on it, peeking at it or making sure it’s still on God’s checklist.  You have to let it go and let God work.  You don’t like people micromanaging you right?  What makes you think God likes it? He created the universe and all that’s in it, I’m pretty sure He can what handle you give Him.

So make your decision, pray about it, nine times out of ten you’ll have to wait on it. So why not go get some ice cream, take a walk, catch up with friends or take a much deserved nap. Before you know it you and the thing will be happily dancing cheek to cheek.

Happy Leap Day!

Guess what?  We all get a 24 hour bonus this year!  That’s right, it’s Leap Year!  Isn’t that exciting?  No?  Well I think it is.  Every four years we get an extra day in February called Leap Day to do whatever we wish.  A extra day to celebrate, reflect, start spring cleaning, register for a class, start writing your book, have a long overdue conversation with someone, renew your driver’s license, go to the spa or whatever else you can think of. Some people rarely pay this extra day any mind because they consider it “just another day”.  But’s it’s an EXTRA day!  An extra 24 hours gifted to you, you need to get excited about that!

Think about all of the times when you said “I wish I had more time.”  Well here it is! This comes around once every four years and here is the answer to your constant time prayer. So circle February 29th on your calendar in big bold colors and take some time to seriously think about how you’re going to leap into your Leap Day.

 

 

 

 

Tell your inner critic to F*CK OFF!

Who are you?  What do you want to be? What do you want to do? How do you want to change the world?  Around this time when the year is still kind of new and fresh, these questions often ring blaringly in your head.  You think of all of the things you want to accomplish, you write them down, outline your goals and how you intend to upgrade your life and the lives of those around you. Then “it” comes.  That sinister malevolent whisper known as the “inner critic” that immediately comes to destroy your plans.  It starts running down a litany of false charges against you making you think you can’t do whatever it is you want to do.  Let’s run down some of these “charges”:

• You’re too old/young
• It’s too late
• No one is interested in what you have to offer
• You don’t have a degree
• You don’t know what you’re doing/you’ve never done this before
• Not talented enough
• It’ll never work
• Who do you think you are trying to do this?

Do any of the above sound familiar?  Of course they do.  Anyone who has tried to do anything worth doing has heard at least two or more of these.  So what do you do when that toxic talker invades your productive space and starts to run its mouth?  You tell it to f*ck off that’s what!  Not to sound cliche and corny because this has been said a billion times before, the world needs whatever goodness you have to offer.  Whatever gift you have whether it’s singing, writing, break dancing, origami or walking on your hands five feet at a time.  Whatever your thing is you need to share it and share it often!

I came across an article regarding this and it gives seven steps to stop second guessing yourself.  My favorite step is to “give yourself the title”.  Say who you are and what you do and stand by it.  If you’re a writer, say you’re a writer!  If you like walking dogs, say you’re the best dog walker in your town!  Even if you’re doing it on a small scale, you still have the right to claim that title.  And don’t dumb it down by adding “aspiring” to your title.  That’s a crutch to keep you from actually DOING. You can aspire yourself right to your grave, and who wants that?  So what do you want to do? How do you want to change the world?  And who are you to do that?  You’re a winner winning at this thing that’s who!  So with that, go tell that inner critic to f*ck off then do the dab courtesy of Cam Newton.

 

 

Hello 2016…

The bloom of a new year has descended upon us.  A clean slate, fresh start, new beginning. And every January 1st we create all of these wonderful and lofty goals to create a “new you”.  What was wrong with the old you?  Maybe you had some bad eating habits, you carried around a few extra pounds, you people please too much, you never make up your bed in the morning, your credit sucks/your money is funny or whatever is making you feel like your life is a dumpster fire and needs a complete overhaul. And instead of breaking down your “makeover” into bite size pieces, you dump the entire kit and kaboodle on yourself in one day and wonder why by the time the second week of January comes it’s a bust.

The lure of a new year makes people think it’s time to “start again”, when actually you can start again anytime.  January 1st shouldn’t be the permission giving wizard that dictates when you decide to make better choices for your life.  Do it now! If you’ve been given a new day then you’ve been given another chance, so don’t blow it.  Yes the new year is sexy, sleek and clean with all the possibilities in the world, but a new day, another set of 24 hours is just as sexy, sleek and clean, so do something amazing with it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not snubbing the new year at all.  I’m just saying you or I shouldn’t wait until January 1st rolls around to get our sexy back. And with that….Happy New Year!

 

 

Sometimes it just sucks.

Life.  Sometimes it just sucks.  Nothing new. Woke up this morning and felt pretty good. Then I saw something that just gave me a gut punch. The wind was completely knocked out of me. Quite stupid actually, saw something that made the green-eyed monster erupt inside of me. I started crying, the ugly cry, and started saying how my life sucked, how it’s never going to change, and how everyone else is happy and progressing wonderfully except me. Drama.  It’s really a matter of letting go of one thing in hopes that something better will come along. I don’t feel like being optimistic right now, I don’t feel like thinking everything will be ok.  I don’t have the strength for that type of idealism.  Right now I will cry and wait for this to pass, because like they say….this too shall pass.

Stop Starting Over

If you noticed the date of my last blog post, it’s September 2nd.  That’s 26 days ago.  I said when I started this blog that I was going to commit to writing it every Monday. Well as you can see this didn’t pan out.  I am lazy. I am fearful. I am a chronic procrastinator. I have relegated myself to a life of miserable mediocrity.  I take full responsible for it.  I get into these bouts of self loathing, tiny glimpses of depression and an occasional reveling in self doubt.  Then after a few days I rouse up a motivational speech to myself and how I am going to take on the world and all who get in my way do so at their own peril. Then after a few weeks that old sour puss shows up, grabs a seat and some popcorn an settles in for a few days. Then this whole thing starts all over again. Why?

I am tired of stating over.  It’s very exhausting and counterproductive.  For all the times I’ve started and stopped, I could have really been further along and accomplished something significant. Yesterday at church, my pastor’s sermon was titled “The Enemy of Progress…Doubt”.   This struck a cord with me because I doubt myself a lot, and it is crippling.  I look at what other people are doing and I compare myself to them and figure that I won’t be able to measure up.  But a scripture in the bible has given me comfort.  It says “Each one should test their own actions.  Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else” Galatians 6:4  I need to explore who I am and the work I have been given and not compare myself to anyone else.  I have been given the gift of writing and I haven’t been doing a great job of it because I keep comparing myself to more accomplished authors.  Pretty silly to expect me to be on the level of Stephen King when I can’t manage to carve out 15 minutes a day to write. God gave me the gift of writing and yet I don’t use it. How disrespectful of me to not relish in a gift God has given me!  If you gave someone a gift and they just let it sit in a box in the corner in the basement of their house, you would be pissed!  That definitely puts it into perspective.  To change this dumb thing around I must get up every morning, look myself in the mirror and say “Self! You are a brilliant and talented child of God. He gave you the gift to write and have people be moved by your words. He gave you this gift because you have something IMPORTANT to say!  So you better use it before you lose it!”

I read an awesome quote and I unfortunately can’t remember who said it, but it said “You won’t continue the cycle of starting over if you never quit.”  I will just leave that right there to marinate.

The Word I Despise the Most…

Mompreneur.  YUCK!!  Every time I read an article or blog post or ANYTHING with that word it’s like someone scratching their nails down a chalkboard!!  I get it, the word entrepreneur has morphed into so many other “preneurs” due to the ever changing business climate.  Authorpreneur. Infopreneur. Blogpreneur. Whateverpreneur.  I think some of the terms are pretty cool, and then there’s Mompreneur.  It just seems so lame for lack of a better word.  It’s as if your work as a woman means nothing unless you attach the fact that you are a mother to it.  You don’t hear men calling themselves dadpreneurs. But then again society doesn’t attach whether or not they are a father to their manhood like they do to women and our womanhood.

I see posts and ads all the time where a woman is surrounded by cute little handmade puppets she’s crafted, decorative scented soaps she’s wittled or an old family cookie recipe she bakes and turned into a thriving business.  She always “started at her kitchen table” and now has a booming business. Great.  Then she calls herself a mompreneur. Why not the “Puppet Master, Soap Svengali or Cookie Connoisseur”.  To me the term mompreneur lends itself to the Stepford Wives variety. A cluster of women with babies, bottles and bjorns in tow, living a manicured existence consisting of PTA meetings, play dates and pot roast.  There almost seems to be an air of pretension with them.  “I’m a mom and I run a craft business out of my home.”  So what. Would you have started your craft business if you weren’t a mom?  Why are you so quick to tack “mom” onto your business title?  Would you feel less than a woman if you didn’t have children?  Or am I simply reading too much into this?

Today I must……

Breathe and reboot.

Why So Much Hate? Part Two….Serena vs. Caitlyn

This post was inspired by a post I saw on Facebook.  The post talked about how (white) America is praising Caitlyn Jenner (aka Bruce Jenner for all those who have been living under a rock for the past four months) for being this brave soul finally living in his/her truth.  How he/she is this pioneer in this all consuming transgender movement.  Being hailed as a hero for finally throwing all caution and commentary to the wind and living his/her life in dress and heels. Big Fucking Deal. According to Caitlyn, he/she has been secretly living as a women for years. Dressing up and exposing his/her past wives and his/her children to this lifestyle until one day he/she decided to show the world.  I guess the PC thing to say is “Good for you!” “You go girl!” “Congratulations for finally living your life on your terms!”  Ok, good for you, you go girl and congratulations blah blah blah.  What’s hysterical is that Caitlyn is a conservative Republican, just let that marinate there for a minute.  The whole (white) world is giving Caitlyn this ticker tape parade for doing what RuPaul did eons ago. Does the movie To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything. Julie Newmar ring a bell?  This transgender thing isn’t new and despite the rallying cry, Caitlyn is NOT the new normal or the new standard of beauty.  As Wesley Snipes aka Noxema Jackson said in the movie “You’re just a boy in a dress!”  Why all the hoopla?  We know, so please don’t make me say it.

Now Serena Williams, and pretty much that’s all that needs to be said. This past weekend she won her sixth Wimbeldon title, has 21 Grand Slam victories, current champion of each of the Grand Slam events and is ranked #1 in women’s singles tennis.  Serena is a phenom. A world class athlete. A champion that is making and will go down in history. But after this past weekend when she defeated Garbine Muguruza I guess “the privileged” had had enough. Enters the body shaming. I guess since Serena Williams is a black girl from Compton, CA who has DOMINATED tennis seemingly from the first time she stepped on the court, “the privileged” feel it is their duty to go on a full on racial assault. They call her nigger, made crude remarks about how she has the body of a man (by the way if I EVER see a man with a donk like that I’m handing in my woman card!) and making all these excuses as to why she is who she is.  Serena is who she is because she put in the work.  She thinks like a champ, she practices like a champ, she prepares like a champ, she PLAYS like a champ! And yet with all that she has accomplished in her 33 years and kicking “the privileged’s” ass on the court, the only thing they could come up with is she looks like a man and that shameful #whitegirlsdoitbetter crap on Twitter.  Needless to say once people of color start telling white girls what they REALLY do better is appropriate, cook bland food and cry white tears, they didn’t think their racist ass hashtag was so wonderful. #EpicFail

So I ask yet again…..why all the hate?  You embrace a former all American white male athlete who has decided to live his/her life in a dress and want to dog and pony him/her around like some Westminster Dog Show champion that has become the new standard of beauty and yet Serena Williams, six time Wimbeldon and 21 Grand Slam champion is just a nigger girl with a man’s body.  W.P.I.R. – White Privilege Is Real.

Why So Much Hate?

So it took me a few days before I was able to write anything about the HORRIFIC tragedy that happened in Charleston, SC on June 17, 2015.  I haven’t written a post in a very long time, but that’s a whole other topic for another day.  Today is about hate and why the magnitude of it STILL exists today.  A 21 year old cowardice monster walked into a church bible study meeting, sat for an hour and then violently unleashed a hail of bullets, killing nine people.  In church.  Yes I will say it again, he did this in a church.  A place of worship.  How much hate has been poured into a person for them to commit such a vile act of terrorism? Because let’s be clear, racists are not born, they are bred. They are TAUGHT to hate by racists family members. It is pointed out to them that this person is of a different race and therefore inferior to you. They are TAUGHT that these people who don’t look like you are animals. They are TAUGHT to use the word nigger like they are taught to spell their names.  They are TAUGHT to spit on, shoot at and even kill people who don’t look like them.  Why?  Fear. This cowardice monster said the massacre took place because he wanted to start a race war because he thought black men were raping their women and taking over their land.  Funny, history tells the opposite story. It was HIS ancestors who stole people from their land, raped the women, lynched the men and enslaved an entire race of people and treated them like animals, less than animals.  But I guess this is what worshipping the confederate flag, a historic symbol of racism and hate, does to you (fyi, you lost).

So where was he getting his information? Misinformed, misguided, fearful, backwoods, hate mongering troglodytes.  The same people who could only tell you that they hate niggers because their father hated niggers, and their grandfather hated niggers and their great grandfather hated niggers.  But the truly sad part of all of this is that this cowardice monster (I refuge to call him by name or even call him human because there was NOTHING human that resembled what he did) actually said he almost didn’t do it because they were so nice to him. Hmm. Love almost conquered, but that inbred hate that was given to him at birth found its way through.  The family members of the victims, and again let’s be clear the ONLY victims are the Charleston 9 and their families NOT the cowardice monster’s family as the insensitive magistrate presiding over the initial hearing tried to miserable imply.  I don’t remember the judge presiding over the Boston bombing case pouring out love and sympathy for the bomber’s family members, saying they TOO were victims. But anyway.

Of course they will try to paint this cowardice monster as a victim and product of his racist environment, saying he was on drugs, he was bullied, he didn’t get breast fed, he was a bed wetter, his recess was taken away in fourth grade or WHATEVER other bullshit excuse his supporters and enablers wish to offer. They will blame everyone and everything EXCEPT the racist cowardice monster himself.  As much I want to see this vacuous reprobate burn in the HOTTEST pit of hell, as much as I want to see him suffer a long, slow and PAINFUL death chained to the back of a truck and dragged for miles (sound familiar?), as much as I want to see him dropped in the middle of blackest neighborhood possible and get dealt with accordingly, alas I must pray for him because as a child of the Most High God that is what I am supposed to do.  I don’t want to, but I must because I can’t let ignorance like that win in my life. You almost have to feel sorry for this contemptible vermin, because the race war he wanted didn’t happen, in fact an OUTPOURING of God’s love over the city of Charleston has been immediate and constant.  So instead of a race war, he incited prayer warriors all over the world. Love will always conquer hate, good will outlast evil and this degenerate will sit counting out the rest of his miserable repugnant days in a dark, dank and putrid hole.  This won’t bring back the Charleston 9, but at least it means one less racist prick on my street.