Stop Starting Over

by writergirl68

If you noticed the date of my last blog post, it’s September 2nd.  That’s 26 days ago.  I said when I started this blog that I was going to commit to writing it every Monday. Well as you can see this didn’t pan out.  I am lazy. I am fearful. I am a chronic procrastinator. I have relegated myself to a life of miserable mediocrity.  I take full responsible for it.  I get into these bouts of self loathing, tiny glimpses of depression and an occasional reveling in self doubt.  Then after a few days I rouse up a motivational speech to myself and how I am going to take on the world and all who get in my way do so at their own peril. Then after a few weeks that old sour puss shows up, grabs a seat and some popcorn an settles in for a few days. Then this whole thing starts all over again. Why?

I am tired of stating over.  It’s very exhausting and counterproductive.  For all the times I’ve started and stopped, I could have really been further along and accomplished something significant. Yesterday at church, my pastor’s sermon was titled “The Enemy of Progress…Doubt”.   This struck a cord with me because I doubt myself a lot, and it is crippling.  I look at what other people are doing and I compare myself to them and figure that I won’t be able to measure up.  But a scripture in the bible has given me comfort.  It says “Each one should test their own actions.  Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else” Galatians 6:4  I need to explore who I am and the work I have been given and not compare myself to anyone else.  I have been given the gift of writing and I haven’t been doing a great job of it because I keep comparing myself to more accomplished authors.  Pretty silly to expect me to be on the level of Stephen King when I can’t manage to carve out 15 minutes a day to write. God gave me the gift of writing and yet I don’t use it. How disrespectful of me to not relish in a gift God has given me!  If you gave someone a gift and they just let it sit in a box in the corner in the basement of their house, you would be pissed!  That definitely puts it into perspective.  To change this dumb thing around I must get up every morning, look myself in the mirror and say “Self! You are a brilliant and talented child of God. He gave you the gift to write and have people be moved by your words. He gave you this gift because you have something IMPORTANT to say!  So you better use it before you lose it!”

I read an awesome quote and I unfortunately can’t remember who said it, but it said “You won’t continue the cycle of starting over if you never quit.”  I will just leave that right there to marinate.