I Talk a Lot of Shit…

by writergirl68

With all the things that I say I am doing and going to do, not a lot gets done.  First of all, I am a procrastinating introvert. Yes that makes for a pretty fulfilling life. I put off things CONSTANTLY and then I don’t like interacting with people to get things done.  Kind of a sick joke the universe played on me.  I have lists upon lists of things that I need to get done.  When people ask me what I am doing I rattle off a litany of projects, all that are sitting on a mental shelf in my head waiting to get the attention they desperately need. When I rattle my assignments out loud it really sounds like I am busy changing the world!  But in actuality I am talking a bunch of shit. Trying to make me sound more important and productive than I really am because so many other people are ACTUALLY working and accomplishing the things on their list.  What a sad existence this is.  Why can’t I do it.  The REAL question is why WON’T I do it?  Fear. Laziness. Doubt. Feelings of inadequacy.

I have books I have started writing but haven’t finished, I have three businesses that I want to build that desperately need my attention, my finances are SHOT and are in need of immediate repair.  In a nutshell my life completely sucks and is so out of whack, yet I resign myself to a state of perpetual paralysis too scared, lazy, doubtful and feeling inadequate to make any positive move to change it.  Well the shit talking stops now…..really.  I have paid so much lip service to my life and held so many false start pep rallies only to end up right back where I started, frustrated and unproductive.  This post is really for me to take a long hard look at myself and my madness and to make a true decision to change and stick to it.  In the words of super funny comedian Chris Rock “Life ain’t short, life is looooong, especially when you make the wrong decisions.”   Wow that pretty much sounds like the mantra of my life. It’s truly time to move, make some hard decisions, take my life out of park and put it in drive and leave the unproductive shit talking in the rearview mirror.