A letter to my younger self
Photo credit stockfreeimages.com
Dear Mini Me,
I am writing this letter to you to say hello and to apologize for a lot of the decisions I made. As children we are free spirited by nature until someone or something takes that away from us. Whether it was an abusive parent or friend who asked you with a touch of disdain in their voice “Who do you think you are?”. Being a kid back then was so simple. It was all about ice cream, playing outside with your friends and Sesame Street. The world is one big adventure and you’re not afraid to go an tackle it. I don’t know the specific time or event that turned me into a fearful wallflower, scared to speak up for myself. As I got older it seemed the bad choices just started coming down the pike and I couldn’t find the off switch. Boys. Ugh. I made some of the most ridiculous choices when it came to them like most girls do before we allegedly get it right. In school I would shrink back and not want to participate in class for fear that I would look like a dunce by giving a stupid answer and be ridiculed by the entire class. I would hardly make eye contact with people that I didn’t know because I didn’t feel I anything pertinent or relevant to say. I would do the absolute bare minimum to get by because I didn’t think I was smart enough. Never really learned how to be financially responsible and just kind of let myself teeter through life without any true sense of direction. At the current age of 45 I feel I have let you down. I feel I haven’t done anything significant to make a difference, I am a master procrastinator that has wasted a good portion of our life and I am pretty darn ashamed of how our life looks right now. I am writing to you to say if given another chance I you to live our life a whole lot better than I did. I want you to speak up for yourself, call a spade a spade. Learn how to be a responsible steward over your finances and your credit. Learn the difference between taking a leap of faith and flying blindly and irresponsibly off the handle. Stay in constant touch with your family and friends, so that when you are in need they are giving you the side eye. Don’t self sabotage, give yourself a chance to accomplish whatever it is you want to do before the inner critic starts yapping. Know you can do it. Smile more and know that whatever you have to say is important. Don’t live life in a mode of constant desperation. Stop making promises to yourself and others that you have no intention on keeping. Choose your friends and your mate extremely carefully, you want your sacred circle to be peaceful, loving and supportive, not one fraught with confusion and turmoil. Never stay at a job past its expiration date, when you feel it’s time to move on, move one. Connect to a higher power, it truly helps. Believe more of what people SHOW you than tell you. What you nurture will thrive, be mindful of what you are carrying around in your heart, mind and spirit. CONFIDENCE! It’s just not for boys! Have a strong sense of self, what you believe, what you will tolerate and what are your deal breakers. Do not compromise yourself for anyone. Love organically and don’t rearrange your love to make someone stay. Love and be good to yourself and make others follow suit. Your mistakes don’t define you, they train you. Hope this helps, it did for you me. Love you much.
Kristina circa 2014